Things were good. I was excited to see him, we made plans to have lunch weekly and spent a few nights together when we could arrange them. After a couple weeks, I met him and his kids for dinner and it went well. They are great kids and he was great with them (both are very important). Turns out they liked me too – yay! This was going to make seeing each other a bit easier now that we’ve met each other’s kids. He came to stay at my house a couple times and I hung out with him and his kids for a day and did normal shopping, bowling, lunch and dinner type of stuff. Then he came to spend a weekend at my house, I was exhausted on the Friday night and as we cuddled I fell asleep on him a few times. We woke up Saturday and he drove home to take his youngest to swimming and I had family pictures. We were apart for a few hours and then he came back to spend the night again. We didn’t have any real plans so I threw a few things out there like, movies, dinner, cards….he just kept saying it was up to me. So finally we went and bought cards and then went out for dinner. We ate until we were stuffed, went back to my house where he passed out cold. I let him sleep since he always had trouble sleeping. I ended up watching movies until 4am, then I woke him up and we actually went to bed. We slept in the next day, he felt awful about falling asleep on me so we got up and played cards, had something to eat and he left. I had a weird feeling as he left, normally I would be wondering when we were going to see each other again, but not this time. This time it was okay that we didn’t have plans – maybe because I had a lot to get done for Christmas etc.
Later that night I text and asked if he had a good night at work, and he never responded. Next day I got into work and had a crazy busy, crappy day full of meetings and work, I didn’t get around to texting him and to be honest was a little put off from him not responding at all the night before. 3pm he texts “hey mon, you alive?”, I respond shortly after with “barely”, he says “ok”. At this point I am even more frustrated. I have never responded with barely in the past or anything close to that. My attitude is mostly cheery and rarely negative. I stopped and thought for a second if I were him what would I do or say?? Simple, I would ask if he was okay, if there was anything I could do, I would have reached out to him. Three and half hours goes by and I’m just leaving work, I hear from him again and it reads “1 text from you in 24hrs is unlike you”, I decided at this point to let it go, maybe I just had a rough day at work and didn’t want to make this a bigger deal. So I told him about my work day and how crappy it was and let it all go. At some point during our texting that night he told me that I should trade him in, making a joke about his back hurting and I should trade him in for a younger model. I went to bed with neither of us saying goodnight. The next day, I text my usual good morning, kill your day type of text and he responded with you too. It was a normal day, nothing special between him or I, just usual blah this and that. Again another night with no one saying goodnight to each other. This week appeared to raise more questions in my head about him as it continued. He mentioned at least 5 times during the week that I should trade him in or that I should run. Not texting good morning or good night. And here I am keeping score, you know there’s issues when you’re keeping track of who’s doing what and when, I don’t like it. By Friday he was complete misery, complaining about his ex, telling me he is in a shit rut and just really grumpy telling me he attracts negative people and am I going to listen to him yet (about running away from him), I was having a really hard time staying positive without letting him get the better of me. I finally responded with, you’ve mentioned this a few times this week and eventually I listen. He replied and said it’s not you, it’s me type of stuff, but also in there he was hinting that we wouldn’t see each other and he just wasn’t in a good spot with anything….I just didn’t even know what to say. So took the weekend to think and I said nothing. He had his boys for the weekend so I let him enjoy that with them. By Sunday night he hadn’t text me once and I hadn’t text him. So I decided, I needed to say something. It was clear to me that I don’t mean what I should to him, if I did he would have asked if everything was okay, he would have reached out at some point. Before I wrote to him, I took some time to reflect on the past month and decided I really do deserve someone that will treat me the way I treat them, someone that thinks about me before they go to bed and thinks about me in the morning. I deserve that. So I text and just said, sorry for not responding all weekend and that I took some time to think and he was right about a bunch of things and in the end it appears that I want more than he can offer me. He came back a few times saying he didn’t mean things that way. But he wasn’t fighting for me either. It was everything at that point. So that was it. They say it takes three months to get to know someone and three months seems to be my new limit. Him and I are still friends and he has tried to make plans to meet me for lunch but I’m really good at drawing healthy lines and sticking to what’s good for me these days. He was a good experience and it was fun at times. I can’t say that it was easy walking away as he was someone to spend time with, someone to text and someone to talk to and make plans with, but it also wasn’t the fuck ya that I’m looking for. A tub of ice cream a couple sad movies – I’m good.