Dating

My big fat Italian funeral part 3: Little crushed

 

Things were good. I was excited to see him, we made plans to have lunch weekly and spent a few nights together when we could arrange them. After a couple weeks, I met him and his kids for dinner and it went well. They are great kids and he was great with them (both are very important). Turns out they liked me too – yay! This was going to make seeing each other a bit easier now that we’ve met each other’s kids. He came to stay at my house a couple times and I hung out with him and his kids for a day and did normal shopping, bowling, lunch and dinner type of stuff. Then he came to spend a weekend at my house, I was exhausted on the Friday night and as we cuddled I fell asleep on him a few times. We woke up Saturday and he drove home to take his youngest to swimming and I had family pictures. We were apart for a few hours and then he came back to spend the night again. We didn’t have any real plans so I threw a few things out there like, movies, dinner, cards….he just kept saying it was up to me. So finally we went and bought cards and then went out for dinner. We ate until we were stuffed, went back to my house where he passed out cold. I let him sleep since he always had trouble sleeping. I ended up watching movies until 4am, then I woke him up and we actually went to bed. We slept in the next day, he felt awful about falling asleep on me so we got up and played cards, had something to eat and he left. I had a weird feeling as he left, normally I would be wondering when we were going to see each other again, but not this time. This time it was okay that we didn’t have plans – maybe because I had a lot to get done for Christmas etc.

Later that night I text and asked if he had a good night at work, and he never responded. Next day I got into work and had a crazy busy, crappy day full of meetings and work, I didn’t get around to texting him and to be honest was a little put off from him not responding at all the night before. 3pm he texts “hey mon, you alive?”, I respond shortly after with “barely”, he says “ok”. At this point I am even more frustrated. I have never responded with barely in the past or anything close to that. My attitude is mostly cheery and rarely negative. I stopped and thought for a second if I were him what would I do or say?? Simple, I would ask if he was okay, if there was anything I could do, I would have reached out to him. Three and half hours goes by and I’m just leaving work, I hear from him again and it reads “1 text from you in 24hrs is unlike you”, I decided at this point to let it go, maybe I just had a rough day at work and didn’t want to make this a bigger deal. So I told him about my work day and how crappy it was and let it all go. At some point during our texting that night he told me that I should trade him in, making a joke about his back hurting and I should trade him in for a younger model. I went to bed with neither of us saying goodnight. The next day, I text my usual good morning, kill your day type of text and he responded with you too. It was a normal day, nothing special between him or I, just usual blah this and that. Again another night with no one saying goodnight to each other. This week appeared to raise more questions in my head about him as it continued. He mentioned at least 5 times during the week that I should trade him in or that I should run. Not texting good morning or good night. And here I am keeping score, you know there’s issues when you’re keeping track of who’s doing what and when, I don’t like it. By Friday he was complete misery, complaining about his ex, telling me he is in a shit rut and just really grumpy telling me he attracts negative people and am I going to listen to him yet (about running away from him), I was having a really hard time staying positive without letting him get the better of me. I finally responded with, you’ve mentioned this a few times this week and eventually I listen. He replied and said it’s not you, it’s me type of stuff, but also in there he was hinting that we wouldn’t see each other and he just wasn’t in a good spot with anything….I just didn’t even know what to say. So took the weekend to think and I said nothing. He had his boys for the weekend so I let him enjoy that with them. By Sunday night he hadn’t text me once and I hadn’t text him. So I decided, I needed to say something. It was clear to me that I don’t mean what I should to him, if I did he would have asked if everything was okay, he would have reached out at some point. Before I wrote to him, I took some time to reflect on the past month and decided I really do deserve someone that will treat me the way I treat them, someone that thinks about me before they go to bed and thinks about me in the morning. I deserve that. So I text and just said, sorry for not responding all weekend and that I took some time to think and he was right about a bunch of things and in the end it appears that I want more than he can offer me. He came back a few times saying he didn’t mean things that way. But he wasn’t fighting for me either. It was everything at that point. So that was it. They say it takes three months to get to know someone and three months seems to be my new limit. Him and I are still friends and he has tried to make plans to meet me for lunch but I’m really good at drawing healthy lines and sticking to what’s good for me these days. He was a good experience and it was fun at times. I can’t say that it was easy walking away as he was someone to spend time with, someone to text and someone to talk to and make plans with, but it also wasn’t the fuck ya that I’m looking for. A tub of ice cream a couple sad movies – I’m good.

Advertisements
Standard
Dating

My big fat Italian wedding part 2: the haircut break-up

 
I couldn’t wait to tell beach boy about my date with the bearded man. We exchanged dating stories and he started again asking me to give him another chance. He repeatedly said if he knew that was my first one night stand we would have at least had dinner. He desperately wanted a redo. I said no for 3 weeks….then finally I agreed. We had lunch again. This time it was just the two of us. It was nice. We only had a couple of hours, but we spent it talking and laughing and kissing at every red light. I think I drove an hour to see him next and he made me an amazing dinner and I decided I really liked him. 

The next time I believe he came for the night and rented a hotel room. Within minutes of getting to the hotel room, clothes were off and the date had officially begun. We did manage to have dinner and drinks and went to the fair the next day, but beside all the normal stuff we did IT a lot…in the hotel and the car and couldn’t keep our hands off of each other. It was fun and exactly what I needed. Fun. 

We continued to date and have lunches and spent time cuddling. It’s sounds great right? It was mostly, except I felt like he just wasn’t quite where I was in the life journey part. He spoke about doing things but just didn’t do them. I had been busy training for my first marathon, running in the next month. I sorta felt like here I was crushing the impossible in my life, and for him something as simple as getting his hair cut seemed impossible. He mentioned his ex was a hairdresser so he wanted to go back to her cause there was no one in else really in his town that he trusted to get his hair cut by, I found this odd and told him, but wasn’t opposed to it at all. After a month of get togethers meeting for lunches I decided just before my birthday in October to call it quits. I felt like he was at a stand still and before I started liking him a lot more and wanting more from this than he did, I’d better back off. He had some big ticket items (a house, an insurance exam, job hunting, AND a haircut) that he needed to focus on so I told him we had to part ways and we could remain friends. Guess what?! the very next day he got his damn hair cut! 

For my birthday even though we weren’t together he sent me flowers and chocolates and a bear. And he called me at exactly midnight. He was really sweet to me at times. 

We decided to talk things out and he accused me of having one foot out and kept saying he couldn’t believe that I broke up with him over a haircut. He didn’t understand that was just an example of something small that wasn’t getting done. I really didn’t think me having one foot was true until I spoke with a couple of my friends about it and they confirmed what he had said. So after thinking about this for a while I decided…..it’s time to shit or get off the pot. We decided just before I ran my marathon (which I crushed btw) to give things another chance and post marathon he was going to drive an hour to have a beer with me and some of my close friends and meet my kids. It all went well.

I had decided to jump in with both feet. Time to take a chance on love. Instead of waiting for him to get his things in order, maybe he it’s okay to walk with him on his journey. I believe in loving hard, so that’s exactly what I began to do. 

To be continued…

Standard
Dating

Dairy J

 

With faith in the process I go back to  my app and find a message from another guy I’ve nicknamed Dairy J. I don’t think I’m overly attracted to him but I do want to give this whole dating thing a fair chance besides I do believe you can’t always judge a book by it’s cover. I was also curious to know if I need to have some sort of attraction first or if you can gain that in a first date/meeting. We talked a little back and forth through the site. He had 3 girls, sounded dedicated as he coached their sports, he sounded hard working as he helped run his family’s dairy farm and also sounded as though he stayed in shape. We decided to meet at a local coffee shop and again to avoid the weird hello in front of people we met in the parking lot. I knew what he was driving so I parked close to his truck. As he gets out I remember thinking I’m pleasantly surprised, he looks better in person than his online pictures. He was not exactly what I’d call my type, but my type hasn’t worked out in the past so at this point I’m all for changing things up!  We hug and when I look back I remembered thinking he’s a good hugger. He pulled me in tight, strong yet gentle. We went inside and I ordered a coffee and he ordered a hot chocolate. Although I pulled out money he paid. Conversation was a little rough, I looked at my phone to check the time quite a bit, not a good sign especially because every time I checked it I swore it had to have been later than that. I asked a lot of questions and told some stories to break the silence. One thing that struck me as odd as while I was talking he would be looking at me and his face would slowly scrunch up and eyes were squinted, when I stopped talking his face went back to normal. This appeared to be his listening face. This is a first for me. I did not know this was a thing. I needed to know more so I would talk for a few minutes and right when it was all scrunched up I’d pause and take a drink of my coffee, his face would relax and go back to normal. I tested this 3-4 times to make sure this wasn’t me. The last time I almost burst out laughing and I decided I  could not do this anymore. He was nice, but there really was nothing there. I guzzled back the last of my coffee (it had almost been an hour), and we walked out to our vehicles. He turned and hugged me AND if I could stay with someone just for the hug alone I would have picked him. 

He messaged to make sure I got home safely, I thanked him for the coffee and the rest is history…

The process continues…
Standard
Dating

Mexico J OR Beer Goggle J – Date 2

He arrived home from Mexico, did I mention he took this trip alone? No judgement. We continued to text for a few days and we discussed meeting up again. One thing I didn’t want to do was go for beers, I had to keep my mind clear as I was about to make a pretty big decision after this date. Leading up to this we discussed our likes and dislikes, what we were looking for in a partner and our biggest turnoffs. We discussed the importance of friendship first conversation and taking things slow. We also discussed how we both missed cuddling with someone. After much debate we decided to get together and he invited me to his house to watch my favorite show….Survivor! He PVR’d it as he was away when it aired. I did debate going to a complete strangers house for a second date. On one hand I thought he could actually be an axe murderer, this could also end the newness and fun stuff if we are already hanging out and watching tv on date 2. On the other hand there were a bunch of pluses to this…I will find out early how he lives his life, is he messy? Dirty? A hoarder? Too organized? Does he live with his mom? Does he have a pet monkey? More importantly can we just be comfortable watching tv and hanging out together? Does it feel right? 

This time as I’m getting ready I realize that I am in need of a spreadsheet….I can’t remember what I wore on date one. There were a couple of other dates between date 1 & date 2 I’ll get to those another day but that is another reason getting dressed and remembering what I wore and when was a bit of an challenge! I threw on jeans and a shirt, fixed up my hair and make up and navigated my way to his house. Decent neighborhood and a very decent house. It did appear to be newly renovated and being a home owner myself I can appreciate all of it. 
I walked up the steps he opens the door and I think…Ohhh shit he IS older than I thought…AND not as cute as I had remembered but maybe it was his personality that made him cute, maybe it didn’t have anything to do with the beer. He offered me water or beer….I took the damn beer! I also thought it was odd that those were the only choices. I don’t know about you but when I invite someone over that I may like a little or might want to impress I’d make sure there were options. Maybe some munchies too. Conversation was a little rough, I did the majority of the talking again and asking questions mainly about house renovations. After about an hour he started searching for Survivor. The set up was a little odd. The couches faced each other and the TV was on the wall to the side of the couches. If we were each to take a couch and lay down it would be perfect. He asked if I wanted to lean back a little, in my head I pictured sort of sideways leaned into him like a sitting cuddle. As I leaned back into him he shifted quick and BOOM he made me his small spoon. The couch wasn’t really big enough for this and my mind wasn’t really open to all of this but I also didn’t want to be rude and thought maybe this would be okay…so we watched tv, well HE watched tv as I laid there thinking to myself, his dick is on my ass….his dick is on my ass….HIS GAWD DAMN DICK IS ON MY ASS! Now Maybe I’m exaggerating a little he didn’t pull it out or anything but it was there and it was against my ass. His hands were creeping a little on me too. I wasn’t really offended I just kept thinking to myself how the hell did you end up here? Also, my friends are gonna kill me when they hear about this! 
Commercial break, he adjusted himself and appeared like he was getting up for something…..ya he was, he was getting up to stick his tongue down my throat again. We have a little make out session and the show comes back on. He continues with his hands and I can feel myself tensing up. After what felt like the longest survivor show in history….I think to myself, well we made it to the end of the show…as I’m thinking that he rolls on top of me and here we go again. Make out session. This time though it was feeling a little aggressive, he grabbed my hands and held them over my head, sort of pinned at this point. This may be hot on date 238, not date 2. I thought to myself dogs can sense fear, remain calm…don’t get panicked and don’t let him know you are uncomfortable. In hindsight my thought process was all wrong, but in the moment that’s where I was, survival mode. After a few minutes he let go of my hands and turned so that I was now on top of him….PERFECT. I grabbed my phone and said….would you look at that, I’ve gotta go. He stopped me at the door and said he had a great time…and I replied with ya that was an interesting make out session….he interrupted me to say we DID talk first as if to say we had more of a connection. I hopped in my car and backed up sooo quickly I almost hit the neighbour’s car. I could not get out of there quick enough. He text a few times afterwards mentioning to me that in a couple of days he won’t have his kids and I could go back for a cuddle or whatever session……to that I replied nothing. Buh-bye Beer Goggle J…
This is an interesting journey! From this I learned date 2 will never be at someone’s house and that there are a few different definitions of cuddling. 
Standard
Dating

Mexico J – Date 1

He had a decent job as an HR manager. Two kids not in diapers. Decent messages back and forth between us. Similar interests and hobbies. 

What could possibly go wrong? 

We decided to meet at a local pub for a beer. I nervously got dressed contemplated everything I put on, fixed my hair a hundred times, each time making it look worse than it did before. Touched up my make up…took a thousand deep breaths and headed out the door. 
We agreed to meet in the parking lot so we didn’t have an audience watching us awkwardly saying hello for the first time. I knew what he drove so when I arrived in the parking lot I parked beside him. We got out of our cars and as I see him for the first time I think to myself…Ohhh he’s a little older than I thought, but in we go. We each ordered a beer and started chatting. I definitely did the majority of the talking and the asking of questions AND more talking…it’s sort of what I’m good at. A few times throughout the night I had flashbacks of being out with my ex as he glanced up at the TV in mid conversation. In fairness it was directly in front of him and it could’ve been a nervous thing…I let it go. We ordered another beer each and a few sips into that I remembered thinking, all of a sudden I think he’s kind of cute. Now is he actually cute or am I wearing beer goggles? If this is beer goggles talking, this is new for me, this would be the first time in my life this has happened.
After a few hours we finished up he pays the bill, we head out to the parking lot, hug and say our goodbyes, he pulls me in for another hug and BOOM there it was full tongue down my throat. I did not stop him. I’m not sure if I was just in shock at that point or what. I get into my car and out loud gave myself shit the whole way home. Saying things to myself like…how could you let him do that, you dirty little pig!! And laughing about it too. By the time I got home I had forgiven myself for what had happened and was looking at it as an experience. 
He did not text to make sure I made it home safely…strike 1. He did text first thing the next morning to say he had a good time and asked to see me again. He was leaving for Mexico in a few days and unless I rearranged everything in my schedule we would have to wait until he got back from his vacation. We continued to text…he checked in with me while he was in Mexico. At this point I knew I needed to see him again. I had to figure out if he was Mexico J or Beer goggle J…
To be continued…
Standard
Dating

Mr. GoodLife

Mr. GoodLife gave me hope…first off I have nothing but great things to say about this man. He was driven, ambitious, interested and interesting, a great cook, owned a nice & clean house, in good shape, took care of himself, gentle, polite, attentive & had a good career.  

So what’s the problem? 
This was the first time I had accepted dinner at someone’s house. We had spoken a couple of times on the phone and in some weird way I trusted him. I know serial killers are trusted people too…since then I have been talked to at lengths about my gut instinct and murderers, I assure you. 
I bought a new outfit, my hair and make up were on point, I was feeling good. I bought him a book about how to be awesome that I loved, as a thank you for dinner (I’m not a wine drinker, he was and I was at a complete loss and couldn’t show up empty handed). I arrived on time. I handed him the book we hugged he gave me a tour and I was pleasantly surprised as he was a good looking man. He had bought beer that I liked while he drank wine and he had the food all prepped for dinner. We had great conversation and he really went out of his way for perfection. I was not in any way disappointed. Conversation flowed nicely all evening. 
He was previously married and didn’t feel appreciated. They didn’t have kids. He had never dated anyone with kids so I could tell that there were times he was trying to wrap his head around my life. Anyone with kids (especially teenagers) knows that things change all the time. Everything is last minute, they need a ride suddenly, they picked up a shift at work, they don’t feel well or they’re  suddenly about drop dead because they are starving. It’s life. And I had never dated anyone without kids so this was interesting for me as well. He was much more career driven and selfish (not in a bad way, but because he could be).
He expressed at one point that he had thought he had always wanted children of his own.
The evening ended, we hugged he kissed me on the lips and we said goodbye. 
I text him from my drive way to let him know I arrived home safely and thanked him for dinner. 
I took one step into my house and my immediate thought was he wouldn’t survive 10min in my life. I could hear my kids up playing video games, and my house is lived in…unlike his. I enjoy my chaos. It makes me feel alive. As much as I was impressed by the cleanliness and organization of his house, it could’ve been a model home or have an open house scheduled at anytime. Too perfect for me. 
The next day after sleeping on it he sent me a well written (very polite) text saying just that…he thanked me for opening up about life with kids as it helped him realize that he does want children of his own (which I am not interested in) or he does need to find someone without kids, like him. I appreciate the thought process and the truth. 
My lesson here was easy…good people are out there. They do exist. They are real. It happens.
Standard
Dating

Match.wrong

 

Heading out on my FIRST date. Learning how to become comfortable meeting new people. 

The story of a guy I nicknamed Adelaide. After texting through a dating site for a week I took the plunge  and nervously met him for coffee at a local Tim Hortons shop. I put way too much thought into my wardrobe, hair and make up – it was a damn coffee. But aren’t first impressions everything? 

Thankfully it was roll up the rim time as that was his method of payment. At first I thought it was fine that he used his winners to ‘buy’ our coffees but the more I thought about it the more I thought….noooo that is not okay. It would have cost $3.40. I would have gladly paid. Truth is, if you have two roll up the rim winners in your pocket (according to the stats) you have had at least 12 coffees, use them another day. I’d like to say it got better…next he asked for ice in his coffee, crossed his legs, rubbed my leg with his hand, talked about having to go for pedicures in the winter because he has awful looking feet, then his kids in diapers who fight constantly, and to top it all off…told me that the business he owns hits rough patches from time to time and therefore has left him no choice but to borrow money off of his parents. 

Wasn’t a bad experience but some things are better left unsaid.
Remaining positive.

Standard