My Christmas blizzard and I are still texting back and forth and continued to do so over my vacation in New York. We were suppose to meet for the first time this Friday coming up, but since he already came to meet me, I’m not sure if Friday is still on or what. He hasn’t mentioned it and neither have I. I feel like it’s sorta on and off with him. Feeling not so convinced that this story will continue. Maybe it’s the distance? Maybe it’s busy life? Maybe it was just the holidays? Who knows.
Update: My big Fat Italian Funeral – Resurrected
So I was waiting to board the plane to New York and thought maybe I’ll creep the beach guy to see what he’s been up to and see how his Christmas was, even though the last couple contacts with him weren’t great. He drunk text me a bunch of crappy things then Christmas day msg’d me through facebook and just said “sorry bout being a douche the other night, hope you and your boys have a good Christmas” to which I simply replied, “you too”. Anyways, I go to look for him and he has unfriended me. I sat and thought about this for about 3 minutes before sending him a message through messenger….I wrote: unfriended me?
He immediately replied which started a much needed conversation. He told me he felt like I betrayed him cause as soon as the relationship part was over I didn’t want to have lunch with him. He doesn’t beg people for friendship etc. What he didn’t understand is that once a relationship is over people need a bit of time to gather thoughts and draw healthy lines for themselves. As much as I wanted to remain friends with him, I also need to do what’s good for my head and heart and what allows me to move forward. He ended up saying he loved me as a friend and he didn’t want to string me along for years without being able to give me what I deserved (that I had already had 20 years of that). AND according to him, what I deserve is someone that I can wake up next to everyday. Lots was said and I started feeling confused. He said I treated him better than anyone ever has. He has had a few lovers in his life but never called any of them his best friend, he put me at another level, he couldn’t get enough of me and that’s what sucked cause he couldn’t be with me every day. He told me he misses me, mentioned having lunch again. I also heard from him throughout my trip…..then I drunk text him on New Years, all I said was, “wish I was kissing your face asshole” the next day I saw his reply telling me to thank the booze cause otherwise he is sure he wouldn’t have heard from me. I was travelling home this past Sunday, he told me he messaged my kid to wish him a Happy New years and was going to offer to pay him $100 to have the house cleaned for me but my son didn’t respond, then said “sometimes I think you forget you are a beautiful smart interesting young woman with a heart of gold”, followed by asking me for an evaluation of how he could’ve made me happier in bed, then telling me he would pick me up from the airport (which is over a 3 hour drive for him), he told me again he missed me and that walking away from me was a very hard choice that he had to make as it’s better for me and a choice I wouldn’t have made for myself. Again I deserve more than he can give me, I am the best person he knows and I motivate the shit out of him. As much as I find myself confused by all of this, I’m not kidding myself, I know deep down this is NOT the fuck yes connection I desire and want. I need a bit of space to put beach guy in the friend zone and keep him there.
New York Update:
Had the time of my life! For New Years we headed to a night club in the meat packing district of Manhattan. Drank myself silly, had dance floor sex with a Brooklyn man for an hour or so followed by a little kiss from a girl, home on the subway at 5am after getting myself some street meat and some desserts. The rest of my trip there was amazing, top 4 – a run in Central Park, Ground Zero, the top of the Empire State Building (much different than Sleepless in Seattle’s version) and of course Times Square. Things I learned…car horns are made for honking, there must be as many cabs as there are people, you never need to know the name of a boy you have dance floor sex with OR the first girl you kissed, I am a foodie, I love and miss Tim Horton’s after all I will always be Canadian. 🙏