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Beach Guy…

  
Friend zoned beach guy…

Lunch date. I was a little anxious and hesitant yet curious about lunch with beach guy. Have I been able to friend zone him properly? Or will I see him and melt?

We agreed on a time and he was driving in from out of town, he had a meeting and some running around to do but also thought lunch would be a good idea. I left work to meet him in the lobby. He was dressed up and looking great, one thing I have always liked about him. His appearance. He was always well groomed and well put together. We hugged and started walking to this little hole in the wall diner (a well known greasy spoon). I was fine, no melting! We get there and conversation goes as it did previously, easy. We get along just fine when we are together. No sparks though. No butterflies. I did want him to hug me or wanted some sort of human contact but I think I may have also taken that from the homeless man outside, though I always appreciated his hugs. We fought over who was going to pay as now we are friends, 2 bills are fine by me. But he won and he paid. We grabbed coffee and we hugged goodbye on the street corner. The things I liked about him, I still liked, the things I didn’t like, I still really didn’t. For me lunch couldn’t have gone any better, a nice little confirmation ensuring I made the right decision in the end. No sooner do I get back to my desk and I get a text thanking me for meeting him for lunch. An hour later I get a text with a confession from him about how having lunch with me was harder than he thought, a few texts later he mentioned that 98% of our lunch together he spent holding himself back from kissing the crap out of me. 

Since then, we have text back and forth sparatically. Most recently I think he is trying to get to me…he mentioned out of the blue that he was having dinner at a restaurant with no menu. He apparently wanted me to ask questions, so I don’t. I say back, well you’re a smart guy I’m sure you’ll figure it out. Next he says it’s a restaurant an hour away. Again hoping I ask a question, I believe… I respond with, that’s awesome a road trip! Then he says it’s with a guy that he met with the day he saw me, the guy asked him to meet a group of them for dinner and poker. I said awesome road trip and date with the fellas, he responds with, I think I’m better with the ladies. I didn’t respond. I’m not into his weird mental games.

 KissingAMillionFrogs out!

PS. I decided to join Tinder, a road I have not yet travelled….stay tuned.   

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This ship has sailed…

  
I gave him an out and he took it. Things were quiet today between my blizzard and I. We started off on the right path….an early good morning from him (not sure why that hooks me and is so important?!), some chatting that followed then dead silence for most of the day. Got me thinking….too much of course. 

Maybe I should give him an out? Let him off the hook. Wait, do I want out? Am I being a chicken? What am I hoping for? 

So I waited until late afternoon, with butterflies….I text and say the countdown until I get to see your face is on, what do you feel like doing? 

His reply was that he is still in bed, (3:30pm) and he was working from home, he was still feeling crappy from the drinks he had the night before. How about junk food, pizza, and a movie? 

I sat on this for a minute and thought, if he was given an out and he took it, I’d rather that then him suffer through hanging out with me. I’m not into making people do things out of obligation. 

So I text back and said if you want to reschedule it’s totally cool, I’d rather see you when you’re 100%, take this down time and enjoy your bed. 

He replied and asked if I was serious and said that he didn’t want to disappoint me. 

And there it is. 

I was nice with my reply and mentioned I wouldn’t be disappointed.

Now here’s the catch. I am totally disappointed and bummed out!! The kind of bummed out where I could drive across town and buy a tub of my favorite Baskin Robbins ice cream and eat the entire thing. Then maybe watch a chick flick, take all the paint off my nails and call it a night. I don’t think it’s HIM as much as it’s the entire bloody process. He peaked my curiosity and was nice and I found him to be interesting, he was someone I had on the back of my mind for a while….but I don’t want or need his wish washiness in my life. I want someone that see’s something they want and they go after it. Show interest and grab ahold. His actions tell me otherwise. 
The last kick to my girly nuts came in the form of a fb post I saw that he posted this evening with a picture of Taco Bell saying he drove an hour tonight to see his mom. 

I always give everyone the benefit of the doubt, maybe she needed him or he needed to see her. After all who am I to judge? I just hope he thought about how it might make someone feel when they see the post after cancelling out on them. Maybe he did and he’s 100% okay with that. In that case, I’m better having not wasted my time going to meet him again. 

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Friday’s forecast: appears to be sunny with a good chance of a blizzard.

 
My Christmas blizzard, who is also going to be known as boat guy if this goes any further. There is something completely romantic about sailing which is one of his many and biggest passions. Ahem, anyways, he and I are on for later today (the 8th, as originally planned). We chatted back and forth last night via text flirty and fun. I have a better feeling about things (I think), obviously not confident. I just hope he doesn’t feel obligated in anyway and I hope he wasn’t completely under the influence when we discussed and agreed to hanging out. He did mention having a few beers…although some may argue that it could be liquid courage, he told me that he’s super shy. We asked questions back and forth and when I asked if he thought there was a right time for certain things like a first kiss, sex, etc….he sent me this write up about kisses, I loved it: 

Shut-up and kiss her

…and about sex, he gave this well thought out answer that I had never considered. I like his mind. 

Wish me luck, and hopefully I’ll be writing something exciting Saturday! If not exciting, at least something definitive. 

Ps. I have agreed to having lunch with friend zoned beach guy on Tuesday. I have exactly 1hr away from work to meet him and eat. I believe when it’s over (the relationship) you see a ton of reasons why it would never have worked out and all of a sudden all the things you disliked are like flashing neon lights. It’s a good closure thing. 

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….blizzards, resurrections, New York oh my….

  
Blizzard Update:

My Christmas blizzard and I are still texting back and forth and continued to do so over my vacation in New York. We were suppose to meet for the first time this Friday coming up, but since he already came to meet me, I’m not sure if Friday is still on or what. He hasn’t mentioned it and neither have I. I feel like it’s sorta on and off with him. Feeling not so convinced that this story will continue. Maybe it’s the distance? Maybe it’s busy life? Maybe it was just the holidays? Who knows. 

Update: My big Fat Italian Funeral – Resurrected

So I was waiting to board the plane to New York and thought maybe I’ll creep the beach guy to see what he’s been up to and see how his Christmas was, even though the last couple contacts with him weren’t great. He drunk text me a bunch of crappy things then Christmas day msg’d me through facebook and just said “sorry bout being a douche the other night, hope you and your boys have a good Christmas” to which I simply replied, “you too”. Anyways, I go to look for him and he has unfriended me. I sat and thought about this for about 3 minutes before sending him a message through messenger….I wrote: unfriended me?

He immediately replied which started a much needed conversation. He told me he felt like I betrayed him cause as soon as the relationship part was over I didn’t want to have lunch with him. He doesn’t beg people for friendship etc. What he didn’t understand is that once a relationship is over people need a bit of time to gather thoughts and draw healthy lines for themselves. As much as I wanted to remain friends with him, I also need to do what’s good for my head and heart and what allows me to move forward. He ended up saying he loved me as a friend and he didn’t want to string me along for years without being able to give me what I deserved (that I had already had 20 years of that). AND according to him, what I deserve is someone that I can wake up next to everyday. Lots was said and I started feeling confused. He said I treated him better than anyone ever has. He has had a few lovers in his life but never called any of them his best friend, he put me at another level, he couldn’t get enough of me and that’s what sucked cause he couldn’t be with me every day. He told me he misses me, mentioned having lunch again. I also heard from him throughout my trip…..then I drunk text him on New Years, all I said was, “wish I was kissing your face asshole” the next day I saw his reply telling me to thank the booze cause otherwise he is sure he wouldn’t have heard from me. I was travelling home this past Sunday, he told me he messaged my kid to wish him a Happy New years and was going to offer to pay him $100 to have the house cleaned for me but my son didn’t respond, then said “sometimes I think you forget you are a beautiful smart interesting young woman with a heart of gold”, followed by asking me for an evaluation of how he could’ve made me happier in bed, then telling me he would pick me up from the airport (which is over a 3 hour drive for him), he told me again he missed me and that walking away from me was a very hard choice that he had to make as it’s better for me and a choice I wouldn’t have made for myself. Again I deserve more than he can give me, I am the best person he knows and I motivate the shit out of him. As much as I find myself confused by all of this, I’m not kidding myself, I know deep down this is NOT the fuck yes connection I desire and want. I need a bit of space to put beach guy in the friend zone and keep him there.

New York Update:

Had the time of my life! For New Years we headed to a night club in the meat packing district of Manhattan. Drank myself silly, had dance floor sex with a Brooklyn man for an hour or so followed by a little kiss from a girl, home on the subway at 5am after getting myself some street meat and some desserts. The rest of my trip there was amazing, top 4 – a run in Central Park, Ground Zero, the top of the Empire State Building (much different than Sleepless in Seattle’s version) and of course Times Square. Things I learned…car horns are made for honking, there must be as many cabs as there are people, you never need to know the name of a boy you have dance floor sex with OR the first girl you kissed, I am a foodie, I love and miss Tim Horton’s after all I will always be Canadian. 🙏

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